Failure........and Success

So....I haven't had a green smoothie in almost two weeks. And sugar!..... I should just NEVER bake anything. Or have ice cream in the house. I can say no and turn down EVERYTHING else.  Epic failure........HOWEVER!......the salad thing is going real well and eating more legumes and beans and less meat going better.

Two steps forward, one step back....... that's still progress.

Exercise

I exercised again this morning for the first time since the beginning of my third trimester. Its amazing how much thinner I feel just because I exercise. It's like I see myself differently in the mirror. (Maybe it's because I wear black?)

We (my exercise buddie, Cynthia, and I) went up the canyon and speed walked a trail and back up the mountain. The last half was all up hill. I'll be feeling it.

Cynthia and her daughter made a goal to run a half marathon next September. She challenged me to do it with them and I accepted. Although I would like to run a half sooner.....we'll see.

Presently, I'm feeling really motivated to get a grip on nutrition and exercise.......yesterday I swore off refined sugar again (after feeling guilty about the cookies for breakfast....). Except for special occasions. I need to define "special occasions" though. Not family get togethers- there are too many of those. Maybe I could bake one Sunday a month whatever I like and than "unrefined" treats the other Sundays? I hesitate to give myself any leeway considering Sunday I ate about 10 of the cookies I made (truly, the food snob in me thought they were divine. Browned butter and molasses chocolate chip cookies? Who could go wrong with the browned butter? Heaven!) And than 4 for breakfast yesterday ironically with my green smoothie....*sigh* its a problem I really struggle with. It really is an addiction. They say you must completely remove the addiction. If it were alcohol or drugs I would completely remove it right? What's the difference? And yet, I still feel I should have liberty to "cheat" every so often. The fact is that it's NOT drugs or alcohol.......justification.........but it will still do bad things toy body! *sigh* a true struggle.

And here I go out on a limb-Exposing myself to the world.......this is me. I tried to make the photos as ugly as possible so when I drop a few pounds I can make them as beautiful as possible ;). I have to admit I was hoping the black would help me out a little. Nope. This is me. In all my postpartum but almost-back-to-normal state. Ugh.

I have to post this other photo so ya'll know I'm not always frumpy old woman.......

Oh- and a few updates: 

• Baby GIRL was born emergency c-section at 9.5 pounds (or did I already say that in a previous post?) Guess the sugar did nothing to contribute to the baby's weight and 
• MY eczema literally DISAPPEARED after I had been rolled into my recovery room following the c-section. Must have been a pregnancy thing
• Green smoothies going GREAT!!!!!
• And have I showed you this?:
  

All natural whole wheat sourdough bread!  And it is sooooo yummy!  I have to be careful! I'm not a bread person but I could eat a whole loaf of this stuff!

Blah.

I should never had had sugar again.........................

However, the green smoothies are going real well.  Had some I didn't like.  Had some I LOVED. My husband has only missed a few days as well............!

Green Smoothie Challenge

Unbelievably my husband agreed to the Green Smoothie Challenge from this website:
 http://simplegreensmoothies.com/30-day-challenge

I'm completely amazed that he agreed- with the condition that I will get up with him every morning and make it.  Done!

I personally needed something to get me going again and this was it.  We did real well this week until yesterday.  He left early and I didn't want to make it with leftovers (I personally don't like the leftovers a day or hours later) and today was fast Sunday (Something our religion does on the first Sunday of every month.)........which was a lame excuse being that I only fasted one meal.  I kept saying I would make a smoothie for a snack but I didn't. HOWEVER, I made this FABULOUS dinner (It's one of my favorites) with mostly zucchini noodles:

http://www.ourbestbites.com/2012/07/zucchini-ribbon-pasta-with-light-creamy-lemon-basil-sauce/

YUM!  That counts as greens. Sort of...................

Looking forward to the challenge this week and.................I'm 8 weeks postpartum so I am determined to start exercising again this week.  YAY! Maybe start out with some yoga however, I want to run again...................

Later days.................

Blah.

Had a baby. Lost motivation. Hungry all. The. Time! ( yes I'm nursing).  My meals are still healthy just not eating enough greens. Starting a green smoothie challenge next week. Ugh. Postpartum bites sometimes. The good news is that I'm fitting into my old pants seven weeks out. Snug. But nevertheless fitting. This has never happened before. Ever.

I'm tired

I'm tired and I would really like my energy back. 4 weeks and hopefully sooner.  Really.  I don't want to cook or hardly do anything.  By the time I get kids off to school and the kitchen cleaned I am completely spent.  When lunch and dinner come around it is rare that I feel I have enough energy to cook something.  And it is becoming a very bad thing for my family and my progress in this goal.  Ugh.

Tonight was one of those nights I did have energy though.  I made pink quesadillas.  I thought them quite delicious!  The rest of the family not so much.  My husband thought they were OK. One of those things I am happy to have the leftovers.

Still struggling with salads and green smoothies.  Go figure.  They should be the easiest thing. Every morning I get up and vow I will drink a smoothie for breakfast.  Time gets away from me and it's just easier to do something else. Like granola. or a whole wheat pumpkin muffin.  I told my kids earlier this year that if they stopped eating cold cereal I would cook for them eggs or pancakes in the morning.  They requested pumpkin muffins last week and I used coconut sugar and whole wheat.  Today I halved the sugar and they were still tasty!  The kids had no idea. I'm also making a lot of crepes and pancakes.  Sometimes eggs. They still insist on lemon juice and brown sugar for the crepes and chocolate chips for the pancakes but I make them be conservative and the whole wheat thing is still a step in the right direction. Right?  We also tried "German" pancakes this week with whole wheat flour.  Um. Yum!  I like them BETTER than the standard white!  I was quite surprised.  And they still, surprisingly, puffed up in the oven.

So- I still have a ways to go with my goals but I AM trying. The sugar thing is real easy now.  Not even a temptation.  Do I have a sweet tooth still? yes.  and no.  It depends.  But I really don't care for nor no longer lack the courage to say no to refined sugar stuff.   I feel like the pregnancy is finally at a point where it is truly impeding me but it is ALMOST over!!!! Yay!  I continue to try real hard with the salads and smoothies......

Note to self

Note to self:  I don't like sprouts in my green smoothies.  But my leftover veggie lasagna is divine..............

Breakfast: pumpkin muffins
Lunch: veggie lasagna
Dinner: broccoli and cashew quinoa

Snack: strawberry pineapple smoothie from local store. No added sugar......

Making myself report........

*sigh*

The good news is that after a stress test and measuring size of baby and amount of amniotic fluid yesterday at the OB the doctor/ultrasound machine measured the baby as being approximately 6 lbs 4 oz and the doctor predicted (although I understand they are often wrong- but I'm hopeful) the baby at full term would be around 7 lbs 14 oz. Phew!  I can do that.  I think going off the sugar is paying off. No 9 lb + baby here........I hope- this has been a great fear for me due to past pregnancies.  I have been mostly diligent. (and it hasn't been too hard!)  I have a bite here and there but never a full cookie etc.  This weekend was general conference and tradition is cinnamon rolls or monkey bread.  The children don't forget this and wanted monkey bread.  I made it with coconut sugar and so I felt I could actually indulge a little. Had I made cinnamon rolls it would have been whole wheat too (this is a step that's not too hard for me).

The bad news is I really struggle with other steps.  I just have a hard time getting excited about the green smoothies.  Which is weird since I really do LIKE them.  A lot! And the salad.  I just don't get why it's so hard.  I cut lettuce for my husband's lunches and have it all done for dinners easily being that it's all washed and cut.  Why is it so difficult?

One of the main challenges is that I am sooooo tired and expired by the time dinnertime arrives (due to pregnancy AND probably lack of green smoothie.....) that all I want to do is get a pizza. I just don't want to cook.  My children are soooo malnourished right now having lived off of mac n cheese and pizza for the last week and a half.  Tonight I had every intention of making broccoli and cashew quinoa but when my husband said not to count on him I just felt it wasn't worth the effort for the fight I was going to have with the children about the meal. Every so often, when well planned, I fit in a salad. And two of the five children, sometimes three, indulge in a salad!  PUNTO!!!!! One night we had the yummy twice baked green potatoes and a spinach salad with strawberries and poppy seed vinaigrette.  Oh. So. Good!  Last night I made veggie lasagna with layers of zucchini and spinach. Dang!  It was so good (although I think next time I will shred the carrots, celery, and zucchini)! I just wish I could find whole grain lasagna noodles in regular stores......................I need a pasta maker............

Anyway, I hope this all resolves after this baby arrives. Officially 4 weeks.  I'm hoping two.

I really REALLY want to get kefir in our diet.  I just don't know how to do it.  I mentioned my oldest that has encopresis and eczema and that we were trying kefir shakes but he has lost motivation and claims not to like them. *sigh* I am more and MORE convinced that those two things with him are the cause of the lost of gut microbes etc. due to the antibiotics he had as a toddler. And I have felt soooo impressed that probiotics will resolve these issues!!!! Not pills.....in natural form. I feel like it is Heavenly Father's answer to me and my husband's prayers about his encopresis. And his eczema is getting worse.............I have also developed a little eczema.  In the same place!!!!  It has to be related!  Candida?

I really have the desire but I lack.  Two steps forward.............one step back.........

progress.............

I don't crave processed sugar and it is easy to pass up.  Go figure.  That is not to say I don't still have a sweet tooth.  I do.  Way bad.  Sunday, my baking day, I made the peanut butter cookies from twelve steps.  With semisweet chocolate chips.  And I really didn't feel that guilty when I ate 4.  That's a bad habit, I know. But the fact I can turn down other sweets is AMAZING.  I just made chocolate pudding with avocados. HELLO!  This is my new best friend!  And it's so full of healthy fat I really can't eat that much......it's filling!

I am cheating in a few ways........I chopped real finely some chocolate chips for my granola in the morning and eat a cup of granola with one tablespoon (I'm eating it with sprouts right?).........I put half the sugar in the Orange Julius I made for the kids today and had some....................... small things like that.

I'm finding I'm having a hard time fitting the green smoothie in the morning (or the Hot Pink Smoothie).  I think it's because I have been so busy this week that after getting the kids fed and off to school I have to run to something else.  For some reason it's just a heck of a lot easier to get the granola and sprouts down.  I suppose that's OK.  Salads are going OK.  Could be better. With my husband out of town this week I get lazy and don't prepare anything.

That's pretty much my update.  I'm doing pretty well with my goals and so proud that I have done so well turning down the processed sugars.................I'll nail this thing.

Ganache and Pizza

Someone please tell me ganache with fruit is not acceptable. Even if it is semi-sweet chocolate chips.............

Had Three Meat Pizza today. Really had no choice. Far from home, no other choices, had worked in the yard espaliering trees. Pregnant and hungry with no choice does not go hand in hand. I regretted it moments after finishing as my gut was rebelling and couldn't wait to get home to make a green smoothie. It was the first thing I did.

No ganache...........

My Goals From 12- Steps

I'm already doing many good things but I felt I should make some goals. My Goals:

12 Steps Goals

Over All Goal-

*Use 1 recipe per chapter per week

Chapter 1            Bye-Bye Stimulants- Hello Green Smoothies

*Be more consistent in my consumption and freeze leftovers

*Add Protein, probiotic, and flax

Chapter 2            Making Salad the Star

*Have a salad every night possible

*Use a variety of salads from the book

Chapter 3            Dressing up Your Salads

*Do It

*Find a Family Favorite

Chapter 4            Avoiding Bad Fats, Enjoying Good Fats

*Eat More Avocado

*Use more flaxseed oil

Chapter 5            Reaping a Gardener’s Reward

*Grow more Greens and Freeze: Beets, Chard, Kale, Spinach

*Compost

Chapter 6            Making Plant-Based Main Dishes

*Use More Beans

*Have Plant Based Main Meals 4-5 x’s a week

Chapter 7            Sprouting and Dehydrating

*Start Sprouting

*Order Almonds

*Use sprouts in granola and green smoothies

Chapter 8            Preserving Raw Foods with Natural Probiotics

*Use Probiotics- Homemade Yogurt

Chapter 9            Replacing White Flour with Whole Grains

*Learn/Find a good Sourdough Recipe

*Use Wheat Flour for Desserts

Chapter 10          Starting Your Morning Off Right

*Use Sole

*Granola Habit

Chapter 11          Creating Delicious Whole-Food Treats

*Try the Substitutes More Often on My Regular Recipes…………….

Chapter 12          Achieving an Alkaline Terrain

*Drink More Water

One Week

Doing well!  LOVE the 12 Steps book. I start the last chapter tonight.  It inspires me sooooo much!  I'll admit that there are things I don't think I will ever get to just because of the nature of my family.  My sugar cravings are GONE. I haven't really had any sugar.  One time I picked up a jelly bean someone had left on the counter and popped it in my mouth.  I immediately realized what I had done and spit it out.  Last night the Girl Scout Cookies (20 boxes) I had ordered a month and a half ago arrived :( :) Mixed feelings about that.  The kids chose to have them for FHE treat and someone left a half eaten one around. I ate it.  Out of sheer  habit.  I didn't really want any but I saw someone hadn't eaten it and...............what can I say, I'm a mother and tend to clean my children's plates to prevent waste.

I really REALLY want to do kefir again but I just cannot justify all the work, and the money and ALL that stinkin' kefir for one person (myself,) who doesn't necessarily love it yet.  I can work through it but the upkeep of those grains makes SOOOOO MUCH KEFIR that I throw a lot of it away.  I know kefir would significantly help my son with encopresis and eczema issues but I know I will never get him to drink or utilize it in a way that would be beneficial and the husband, who is in the pharmaceutical/health supplement chemist as a profession, just says to give him the probiotics that are in the fridge.........

I did, however, make homemade yogurt yesterday and hope that the kids that eat yogurt will like it. I had it for breakfast and thought it was delicious with some maple syrup and lemon essential oil.

I think I can do most of these steps about 95%.  Some maybe not that high.  But I'm tellin' ya it is sooooo hard to do it alone.  I will never be the fanatic.  I will eat sugar on occasion.  I will eat refined food on occasion. and I'm not going to tell my kids they can't have what's offered at the school (although it is EXTREMELY annoying to me).  I'm going to eat my homemade commercial yeast bread.  But I want soooo badly to be able to live primarily with better whole food habits.  That is where I struggle to find the "moderation" in all things or the right balance.  I know I will be different then most people.  In fact, I found it an honor when, at someone's home for dinner last week, they said I was "kind of a health junky." Boy!  That is an honor.  Really!

So doing well.  I think I might review a few things this week and write down thoughts and some things that I just am not willing to do at this point.  It really is not much.  (But yes, I do want to have a limited amount of semi-sweet chips in my granola once in a while! ;) )

Getting Back On

So I have had a large absence.  In that time I have become pregnant.  I am currently nearly 32 weeks.  And it has kicked. my. trash!!!

This is my 7th pregnancy. It has been the hardest pregnancy even though I was eating relatively well and exercising regularly.  That has pretty much stopped.  First trimester squashed any green smoothie habit I had and any exercise regimen (although sweets were so yucky to me). Ugh.  2nd trimester squashed any healthy eating habits- I would just eat anything and everything that sounded good- and in returned my addiction to sugar.  Here I am in the 3rd trimester, paranoid at the size of the baby and the size I will be post-partum.  I've pondered significantly over all this.  I'm ready to make changes again. NOW. In the third trimester.

Yesterday I turned 40 and I made a birthday gift to myself: no processed sugars until after the baby.  I'd like to add to that and make this list to get me back going again:

• No processed sugars until after the baby arrival (Hopefully by then I'll be pretty weined off)
• Green smoothies again.  I'm not saying every day but that is my hope.
• One big salad every day with homemade dressing.

I'd really like to add to that to do resistance training 5 days a week and cardio twice.  But I've lost my morning exercise companion and am having a really hard time getting motivated to get up with the pregnancy being used as my largest excuse.  I have all the exercise equipment I would need...................just lacking motivation for early mornings. And I know I won't do it any other time.

Fortunately, since my absence, my husband has made some goals on his own and eats a HUGE salad and protein shake for lunch.  He feels much better and, I think, in time, will be ready to make more changes. He's admitted that he doesn't think he could ever give up cereal for breaksfast but we'll see ten years down the road.........

Sugar really is my biggest hang up along with the fact that I LOVE to bake sweets.  I like the challenge of finding a new recipe that is heavenly. I don't want to give up baking. (I'm only suppose to do it on Sunday)  I was telling my husband the other day that maybe I should keep up the baking but just challenge myself to find the "healthy" recipes that are awesome. So I will do my best. But.  It IS an addiction and I fully expect myself to fail a few times. I really think that, for me, I'm going to have to give up the sugar all-together and I'm not sure my psyche is ready for that.

Today I purchased the 12-steps...........................can't wait to read it!

That's my update.  Let's see where I will go from here! Positive thinking!  Positive attitude!!!!